LIFE- The story of Heidi.

When I was little, I was given a storybook...one of those thin Goldenbooks that you could prop together and make neat little pictures along your shelf if you lined them up correctly. Oh, I did love to read when I was young...reading took me places that my feet and eyes could not go. It allowed me to open up my mind and imagine....create...draw....paint...think.

One of my favorite tales was that of Heidi. This rosy, spirited young girl who lived in the mountains with her Grandfather after her caretakers, can't rightly remember if they were her parents or not...had passed away. Heidi was afraid at first, but then this curly-haired girl soon became a ruddy, sturdy little thing who loved the mountains and spent time learning a great deal of her environment from Grandfather.

It is sort of funny, that. My own grandpa was quite the man. He was this wisened, wrinkled soul - you could look into his eyes and see fathomless memories of untold tales. He reminds me of Heidi's Grandfather so much.

And then the people down below the mountains decided it wasn't healthy for a little girl to grow up without school, so she was sent down to the city. I believe she lived with a little girl named 'Clara' who could not walk. Eventually, Heidi returned to see her grandfather, with Clara, who learned how to walk in those beautiful mountains.

Right now, I feel like Clara. Stopped. My world was spinning so fast that when it stopped dead...I tripped on life. And sat there, thinking of what to do next. It is not easy for a girl who is in jobs all her life that were fast-paced and always rushing to just...stop. Hammertime? No, don't think that, I'm just getting a little tired.

But, I will be moving, planning on it once I get my feet on the ground. It will be a while, my roomie Drew, also needs to get his feet on the ground. I promised him I wouldn't leave him hanging, so as we both situate our lives, we'll be leaning on each other as friends to do so. That reminds me of the "Lean on Me" song one of our Edison Middle school teachers taught us in the middle of the pod as we all sat on the floor.

Maybe instead of these molehills I keep tripping over, I need to just straight on tackle a mountain.

Not necessarily like...My Side of the Mountain, for I've my little son to take care of...but maybe more like Clara coming up the mountain, carried and bundled in blankets...and then finally walking back down the mountain when it was time for her to go home.

Goodnight, and sweet dreams.

Sarah

NAPOLEON- Birthday on the 22nd.

My little boy is growing up so fast, sometimes he frustrates me so, sometimes he's the only person in the world I adore at that moment. As I write, he sleeps peacefully, his dreams consisting of movies, toys and testing Mommy tomorrow with some new ideal of a child's youth.

Has it really been four years? Just yesterday, it seemed, I was eighteen and afraid. Looking back at age fourteen and contemplating. Eyes big. Road long and wide ahead of me.

How utterly lost and foolish I was at that age, newly becoming an adult and thinking I -so- knew the world.

Will he do the same thing? I think yes. But I hope and pray I can be a good mother to my son until then...teach him the best I can by example, love and discipline.

His birthday's on Friday the 22nd. I hope you can come, we're in St. Albans, WV. We may be somewhere closer to you next year, I don't know. I will try to plan out what my goals are tomorrow evening...

-Mommaspider

PROSE- But not mine.

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us were wrong
Searchin our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

Youre beggin me to go, youre makin me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad?
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing youve had?
Believe me, believe me, I cant tell you why
But Im trapped by your love, and Im chained to your side

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield

We are strong, no one can tell us were wrong
Searchin our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

Were losing control
Will you turn me away or touch me deep inside?
And before this gets old, will it still feel the same?
Theres no way this will die
But if we get much closer, I could lose control
And if your heart surrenders, youll need me to hold

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield

We are strong, no one can tell us were wrong
Searchin our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield

We are strong, no one can tell us were wrong
Searchin our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

COWCRAP- The Dysfunction of my Shell

So yeah, the night before last I was carrying Napoleon from the bathroom to the bedroom, five easy steps away and my knee did something I don't think it's supposed to do. I heard it loudly, and I faltered. So of course I couldn't sleep, because not only does it feel like my own body is crushing me when I lay down, my knee was shooting pain clear up to my hip.

I paid for it yesterday.

I am also pretty clumsy and have to type slow sometimes so I can simply 'think' of what I want to say. At this point in reading my complaining, useless blog, if you are feeling sympathy for me - don't. I can't afford my medicine, so I guess it's my own damned fault for suffering the freaking symptoms. So last night my equilibrium was off, and I couldn't CONCENTRATE. I tripped over a toy I didn't see in the dark (thought Napoleon and I put them all away), and crashed headlong into my computer, palms first. Bit bruised today. Bit even more ungraceful and messed up. I slept entirely too long today because my body felt like it was beat up and run over by Mexicans racing to a soccer game (that had free beer).

So whatever. I having to sit down like three times throughout doing the dishes. Dragging my feet wherever I go because my limbs don't obey me properly. Hating all the years I waitressed and could multi-task, and now I can't concentrate or focus on one thing for too long properly either.

I'm starting to think I'm a crappy mom. I hate having really good chances to do things for myself and then them wasting away because apparently I suck at life.

QQ

GAMING - Imperian Log of Aivas and Vella's Children, Chapter 2

(I play a character named Vella ((In Imperian)), and she has three Akrabi children she is introducing, for the first time, to Lyrith, her father. Any actions the Akrabi children perform are really cast as illusions with my bardess' talent.)
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Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "How is all?"
You give a trillingly melodic laugh.

A soft 'meep' squeaks behind Vella, followed by two childish giggles.

You say, "Just fine, Dad, trying to get into Khandava now."

Comprehension flashes across Lyrith's face.

An Akrabi child's head pokes out behind Vella's left side and his sisters peek out behind their mother's right.

You say to Lyrith, "Save me from them."
Vella grins a bit, her mouthparts moving as she speaks.
Lyrith's ears prick up suddenly.

Rigal leaps out from behind his mother, hunching up and baring the undeveloped stinger at the end of his tail.
You roll your eyes.
Lyrith's eyes twinkle enchantingly.

The two little Akrabi girls behind Vella raise their claw-like hands to their mouths and giggle.

You say, "Rigal. This is your Grandfather."
You say, "Be nice."
Vella 's tone is warning as she peers down at the hunched up child.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Ah, well they haven't seen me before..."
Lyrith chuckles long and heartily.

Rigal's tail waves back and forth in menacing fashion as he approaches you cautiously, his bright eyes studying you intently.

Vella reaches out and grabs Rigal's tail before he attempts to strike.
You say, "Rigal!"
The small boy squeaks and feigns death, slumping in his mother's grasp.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Lots of work, I see."

The form of Lyrith's lips twists into a feral grin, tiny wolven fangs glinting slightly in the light.

The two Akrabi girls leap out and pounce the stilled body of their brother. They all tumble down in gales of laughter.

You nod slowly.
Vella rubs her temples.
You say, "Children."

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Well, we all were at once point."

The laughter continues as the three tickle and poke each other with their stingers, the boy more than most.

Lyrith tenderly strokes your cheek.
You snuggle up close to Lyrith, smiling happily.
You wrap your tail around Lyrith affectionately, pulling him close.

Lyra tumbles off of her brother after he soundly shoves her away with his clawlike foot.
Saphira takes advantage of the moment and tortures Rigal with more tickling.

Lyrith's eyes sparkle with amusement.
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "I wish I had that kind of energy anymore!"

Finished with the playtime, Lyra wraps her tail around her and begins to suck her thumb, staring up at you with the same bright, curious eyes of her brother.

You say, "I don't, that's for certain."
Vella stares down at Lyra.
You say, "Yes?"

Lyra shyly clicks softly, once, as she peers up at you.

Your eyes twinkle enchantingly.
You say, "Say Gran-d-pa."

Rigal locks Saphira's arms and begins tickling her. As she squeals, her throat makes an odd protest of clicks and snaps.

It is the 18th day of Naturalis, in the year 542 AD.

Lyra shyly lowers her median eyes, her tiny ones set back into her face still peer upwards.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel smiles brightly down at the children.

The little Akrabi girl takes a big breath and clears her throat. She tugs at Vella.
Vella kneels down, bending her head towards the child.
Lyra's tail reaches out and grabs Vella's arm, drawing her closer.
Vella nods at Lyra.

Lyra gives a high-pitched, joyous chirping and jumps on your leg, wrapping her arms around you as she proclaims,"Gran-pa!"

You smile wryly, quite clearly amused.
Lyrith beams broadly.

Rigal looks up at Lyra, briefly pushing Saphira away. Saphira brushes her face off and peers up at you both, brown eyes curious and alert.

The other two Akrabi children leap towards you, also clinging to your legs, three tails all together seeking to wrap themselves about your legs.

You say, "Oh dear."
You say to Lyrith, "I told them you have the 'c' word."
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel keeps his balance, smiling brightly.
Lyrith's ears prick up in response to you.

"Ma said you have candy, Granpa," Rigal grins, his pincers showing. He begins probing your pockets.
You say, "Rigal!"

Shy Lyra looks up thoughtfully, and begins sucking her thumb again.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Ahh. So I do..."
Saphira wags her tail contently. "Do you really, Granpa?"

You say, "Like they don't get enough."
You give a pained sigh.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "I might, but only if your mother says it's okay for you to have it."
Lyrith's eyes twinkle enchantingly.
You give a mischievous grin.

All three faces of the children shine as they ask in unison,"Pleaeeeeese?"

You say, "How can I resist?"
Lyrith utters a deep, rumbling laugh.
Vella gives them an approving nod, her tail wrapping around her ankle.
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Well, then..."

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel dips his hands into his cloak, withdrawing
three brightly wrapped candies. He begins to juggle them deftly while humming a
lively melody.

Little Lyra watches intently, her eyes following the pieces of candy as she loudly sucks her thumb.
Saphira scrunches up her face, ready to burst with excitement as she watches. Her tiny fists clench up.

Rigal wrinkles his nose a bit and prepares to sting the juggled candy with his ungraceful tail.
Vella gently taps Rigal on the shoulder. The boy loosens up and glares at his mother.
Vella whispers something to Rigal.
feign Rigal rolls his eyes unceremoniously.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel grins broadly as he continues juggling the
candy, the lightning glinting off the wrappers in vibrant violet, green, and
gold colours. He winks at the children, tossing the pieces higher into the air
before catching them and ceasing the juggling.

Lyrith chuckles long and heartily.
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Been a while since I did that."
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel crouches down and presents the candy to the
children.

The children laugh, their voices still high-pitched and rolling.

The three young Akrabis crowd you with pleading hands, wagging tails and smiling faces.

You smile proudly.
You say, "Why Dad, I never saw that trick."
Your eyes sparkle with amusement.
You say, in Akrabi, "Say please, children."

Lyrith's eyes twinkle enchantingly.

The children nod, each asking,"Please?" Lyra pauses a moment, studying her brother and sister before asking quietly and politely.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Well, I will admit it's the first time I have used candy for it..."

Your eyes sparkle with amusement.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Each of you may have one of these. Go ahead and take them!"
Lyrith grins mischievously.

Rigal beams as he takes his piece of candy.
Saphira eagerly accepts hers, but Lyra holds back, blushing.

Vella gently urges Lyra, smiling at the quiet girl.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "It's okay sweetling. You can take it."

Lyra blushes again, tail wrapping around her delicate ankle. She reaches out with her free hand to accept the candy.

Rigal nearly swallows his candy whole, coughing a little and receiving an icy, motherly glare from Vella.

Saphira chews on her candy thoughtfully, twirling the wrapper inbetween her clawlike fingers.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Ah, careful there."
Lyrith whispers to you, "I used to do that ALL the time."

You say, "I swear, he needs his dad around so that he can be caught ...wolfing down his food..."
Vella peers at Rigal. The boy only gives a sheepish grin.

Lyra carefully peels off the wrapper from her candy, neatly folding the wrapper and setting it aside.

Rigal takes Saphira's hand and yanks her away to play.

The segments of your tail click faintly as it sways behind you.

After carefully breaking off a piece of her candy, Lyra flashes a winsome smile at you and pops the piece into her mouth.

You whisper to Lyrith, "I bet he got that from you then, Dad."
You give a mischievous grin.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel beams proudly down at Lyra.

Vella pats Lyra's head fondly.

Lyrith gives you a nod of acknowledgement.

Lyra gives another smile, this time her mouthparts are dyed the blue of the candy.

You giggle happily.

The form of Lyrith's lips twists into a feral grin, tiny wolven fangs glinting slightly in the light.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "I definitely need to spend more time around them... Our family needs to reunite more for sure."
You nod your acknowledgement of Lyrith.

Lyra finishes her candy and skips off to play with her siblings, sucking her thumb as she goes.

You say, "They were born here in Khandava."
You nod sagely.
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "It's a beautiful place for that."
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "You know, I already feel more at ease in the last month than I ever did in the prior several decades living up
north..."
You flash Lyrith a joyous smile.
You say, "I'm glad. I like it out here. The fishing's nice, too."
You nod sagely.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "I was guilty of one of the things that Father is against by not moving sooner. I let my life become too static
and stagnant. And I love the fishing out this way too!"
Lyrith giggles happily.

The three Akrabi children sneak around Owlmaster Adael's legs and play under his desk.
Owlmaster Adael just grins a bit and turns back to his work.

You grin and nod.
You say, "I'll have to take the kids fishing sometime soon."
You say, "Maybe Rigal could go out with you sometime, fishing in the stream?"
You tilt your head curiously.

Lyrith's mouth turns up as his face breaks into a smile.
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "That would be nice at some point for sure."

Saphira thwaps Rigal on the head as he reaches for a tailfeather of one of the owls.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "It's a nice way to relax and have fun. I do it more than hunting."

You say, "He is a bit of a troublemaker, that's for sure."
You give a pained sigh.

Lyra studies one of the owls, blinking silently back at it as it blinks silently at her.

You lean comfortably against Lyrith.
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Ah, well... all kids have their stages for that."
You grin and nod.
You say, "I wasn't troublesome, was I, Dad?"
You snuggle up close to Lyrith, smiling happily.
Lyrith shakes his head.

You beam broadly.
The segments of your tail click faintly as it sways behind you.
You wrap your tail around Lyrith affectionately, pulling him close.
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Not overly so, definitely."
Lyrith tilts his head back and looks up at the sky.

You say, "Children, it's time to go, tell your grandfather goodbye."
You say, in Akrabi, "And be nice about it."

Lyrith's mouth turns up as his face breaks into a smile.

Lyra pauses, turning her head as her mother speaks. She shyly approaches you, tail firmly wrapped around her ankle.
Rigal crashes into you, bearhugging your knee as he thanks you, in Akrabi, for the candy.

Lyrith grins mischievously.

Not to be outdone, Saphira skips towards you, tail bobbing as she copies her brother and wraps her little arms around your other leg.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "So adorable. I hope I get to see you all again soon!"

"Thanks Granpa!" Saphira chimes, eyes sparkling.
Lyra lifts her hand to wave in delicate motion.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "You are welcome!"

Vella gathers up the children, gently prying them from your leg.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel gives Lyra a little wink.

Rigal clings to his mother's side, tail attempting to strike Saphira, who clambers up Vella's other side.
Vella gathers Lyra in her arms.

Lyra reaches out towards you with open hands and a wet thumb for a hug.

Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel moves in to give Lyra a nice big hug.
Lyra chitters happily and quietly in your ear as she hugs you tightly about the neck.
Releasing you, Lyra snuggles up next to her mother in a tight curl.

You give Lyrith a peck on the cheek.
You beam broadly.
Lyrith's mouth turns up as his face breaks into a smile.
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "Take care."
You say, "I was glad you got to meet the children, Dad."
Lyrith Da'Saison, Eye of the Wheel says, "I am too."
You say, "I'll be back another time soon to see if we got into Khandava."
Lyrith nods his head.
"Good!" Lyrith enthuses.
Vella hugs you with her free arm.
You wrap your tail around Lyrith affectionately, pulling him close.
Lyrith gives you a compassionate hug.

You grow still and begin to silently pray for preservation of your soul while
you are out of the land.

All of the Akrabi children wave at you.

LIFE- An Idea.

Not really a blog writer, unless it's poetry, prose or ranting. But for sake of being a sad insomniac, I shall.

I will post the following subjects before my titles so you know if you want to skip the blog or not. GAMES, NAPOLEON, LIFE, PROSE and OHSHIT. Yes. You heard me. Wait. Mom might read this. I am formally replacing the OHSHIT category with COWCRAP.

And so I go to bed, my first blog posted. My diary, will and testament, yadda yadda. Haven't done the diary thing since I was a little girl.

Drew. I blame you and your blog for the birth of mine.

Sweet dreams, everyone.